Uncertainty and Insecurity

The first day of school... "I want to get my picture taken with Miss Rider too!!" - Jeff Baltzer, Associate Principal, West Central High School.

Organized chaos with the 20-2 & 20-4 Class.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, without uncertainty or insecurity [James 3:17, RSV].

These two words have much defined my first four weeks of teaching. But do not be alarmed by the negative connotations of these words, for they have been the constant reminder of the Lord’s strength in my weakness. Let me recount some of the blessings...

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. [1 John 1:7]

During a batch of phone calls looking for accommodations in RMH I had the privilege to speak with Lindsay, the new associate pastor at the Nazarene Church, who is very close to my age. This week she sought me out and invited me for coffee with another young lady from the church. We spent two hours chatting over coffee at Tim Horton’s, mostly about the youth group’s activities over the past and upcoming weeks, and I was given a good sense of the time, commitment, and care they pour into the young people in this town. Their youth group is small, but developing in some solid teaching of the word through discussions about teen-relevant topics. The Nazarene Church is doing wonderful work, but I do not yet feel settled there. They have many opportunities for serving in the church and the community. Though I do not wish to be a leech (simply taking, and not giving in return), I have not the hours in the week to pour into the youth Bible Study or worship team, and wish to make sure that I don’t create for myself a spiritual desert.

I visited the Alliance church this morning, and it certainly has a larger congregation, and a demographic averaging 30 years younger than that of the Nazarene church. Twenty nine children (I wasn’t counting ;)) gave a preview to a musical production they are preparing for mid-March. I was “impressed” with many things. I state that loosely, for it is difficult to know a congregation on a first visit. The pastors are knowledgeable, even if they are not powerhouse speakers. The worship through music was actually musical, and the mix of the old hymn, “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” with a few newer choruses was refreshing. Most importantly, however, the congregation has a heart for practically meeting the needs of the church family and the community. The church had a live auction today, and has a popular Christian artist coming to do a benefit concert next Friday night, both as fundraisers for families in the church who are struggling financially due to medical bills. I am impressed with the practical application of “we will be praying for you”. As Jesus said, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me... I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:35-36, 40).

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. [2 Corinthians 12:9]

Out of four weeks of teaching, I have endured only one week of five complete teaching days. The first was interrupted by last semester’s final exams, the second by Teachers’ Convention in Red Deer, and the last by Family Day. It has been such a blessing to have that extra day or two each weekend to recover, and get my feet back under me for a new week of teaching.

As much as school has consumed 96.7234789019234% of my total brain power over the last month, the greatest adjustments have come in the arena of “real life”. School has been a dream world; very real, but made so incredibly manageable by the staff, and especially by my mentor, Nicole. I have nearly limitless resources available to me, and though 18+ hours each day are spent in preparation for and execution of my daily plans, it is incredible. The learning curve has not been a curve at all... more accurately it has been a vertical line of which I am at the bottom, slowly finding toe holds, small cracks to place grips, relying heavily on the knowledge that I am clipped into a lifeline that extends up to heaven, and back down to my belayer and mentor.

I cannot thank you enough for your prayers and support through emails, notes, and phone calls. I know I sound like a broken record, but I truly do thank the Lord for you each and every time I think of you. I feel guilty that I have not properly responded to all the encouragement that has been sent my way. Know that you are loved, and that I wish you every blessing.